


Pet Peeves

by harryflocka



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: I have no idea what I'm doing, Other, also harry is just a rabbit, and the boys taped louis' mouth shut after the weed video came out, except for the last part, harry is a rabbit, i am filling all of these before even writing the fic itself, i'm just gonna go full on stream-of-consciousness here, narry is real, no one is gonna fuck a rabbit tho this isn't worm-fic 2.0 i'm not that nasty, oh also niall has a part-time job as the Actual Sun, people have started to realize that zayn is an actual god, so if u are here for harry then sorry!!, there is a reason why liam has been growing out that neck beard, there is gonna be brief mentions of sex and drugs but that's about it, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 15:55:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1716269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryflocka/pseuds/harryflocka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall had promised Harry that he would always love him no matter what; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, in times of beautiful clean quiffs and in times of greasy ponytails. He held Harry's hand while he got a butterfly tattooed on his stomach and he always makes sure to pay equal attention to all of Harry's four nipples. Niall is a good, dedicated, faithful boyfriend, but he has to draw the line somewhere, and having sexual intercourse with a rabbit is definitely not what he signed up for.</p><p>Or: The one where Niall and Harry are dating, Harry mysteriously turns into a rabbit, and everyone else is around too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pet Peeves

When Niall went to bed on Saturday night after eating his own weight in Chinese food, he was feeling particularly pleased with life in general. He had great friends, a nice house, a loving family, an amazing job, a selfie with Michael Bublé, and, well... Harry. He had Harry. They'd known each other for 4 years and officially been dating for almost 2, and Niall couldn't be more grateful to be able to fall asleep cuddling this lanky, curly-haired, ridiculous boy whom he loved so very much. In all honesty, life couldn't get any better, so, naturally, it got worse. 

\--

Niall was woken up at 9am on Sunday morning by the annoying ( _"It's calming, Niall"_ )sound of wind-chimes that Harry had programmed into their alarm clock. He had tried to convince him to get that really cool "Drill Sergeant Alarm Clock" that insults you until you get up ( _"It's motivational!" - "No, Niall, it's rude."_ ), but then Harry started pouting at him and had him sit on the couch to show him a slideshow about how relaxing, gentle sounds would help Harry reach a new level of self-awareness which would in turn benefit Niall since More Self-Awareness = Greater control over one own's body = Probably a better gag-reflex and then he went on about some Spiritual Retirement and reconnecting with nature and honestly Niall was too busy thinking about having Harry's soft lips on his dick to pay attention to the latter's ramblings.  
So, wind-chimes it is. He rolled over to turn off the alarm and then again to cuddle against Harry's side, only that when he stretched his arm out to rest it on Harry's side, his boyfriend wasn't there. Any other day Niall wouldn't think much of it (Harry is, after all, one of those weird people who like to go jogging first thing in the morning) except today there was a small, seemingly moving ball hiding underneath Harry's pillowcase. Moving slowly, careful not to scare whatever was hiding in there, Niall slid his hand inside the pillowcase and extracted a... a rabbit? What the fuck? Niall didn't know what he was expecting to find, but a rabbit was definitely not on top of the list. He decided his best bet probably was to ask Harry, who is probably responsible for this, the strange kid, so he gently got out of bed, careful not to scare the furry little guy on his hands, and headed into the kitchen. 

He looked everywhere: Bathrooms, balcony, guest room, inside every kitchen cabinet, he even rang up their local Retirement Home and asked if Harry was there visiting some of his older friends, but Harry was nowhere to be seen. He thought about texting him, that is, until he saw Harry's phone sitting on the counter. That's definitely weird, because as much as Harry likes to ramble about how "dependent most human beings are of technology nowadays" and how "it alienates us from our true selves and the things that really matter in life", Harry is a fucking hypocrite who can't go a day without tweeting Britney Spears' dog or looking for "hip new food trends" on the internet, which reminds Niall that they still have a bag full of those fancy over-priced Chinese weird-looking carrots that Harry only bought because their slogan was _"We car-rots about your health!"_. Niall is suddenly shaken out of his thoughts by two little teeth pulling from his t-shirt. Oh, right, there is a rabbit in the house. A rabbit that mysteriously appeared in his and Harry's bed this morning. A rabbit that mysteriously appeared this morning when Harry happened to mysteriously disappear. A rabbit that mysteriously appeared this morning when Harry happened to mysteriously disappear only 2 days after Harry had started eating those mysteriously ugly carrots. Shit. 

There are two things Niall is absolutely sure of at the moment: 1) He definitely needs to stop watching The Emperor's New Groove so often because he is starting to sound like Kronk; and 2) His boyfriend's stupid carrots have, somehow, turned him into a fucking rabbit. 

\--

"Okay, Harry, the boys are on their way here. We are gonna figure this out. Yes, you are a rabbit, and no, I don't know how that happened, but you are legally bound by contract to stay in One Direction for another 2 years, so if we can't fix this, I'm sure Simon will try his hardest to."

Niall was trying to be soothing, couldn't even begin to imagine how stressful this probably was for Harry. He was half-expecting him to reply back with a disgruntled "Heeeeeeyyyyyyyyy", but all he got out of Rabbit-Harry was a little ear movement and tail wiggling. He was about to ask Harry if he could at least understand him, when three very familiar boys came bursting into the room one after the other, demanding to know what was so important that it couldn't wait until the next morning. So Niall explained, slowly and with plenty of details, and waited patiently for a reaction. All he got was three pairs of eyes looking at him with a mixture of amusement and frustration, and a little hand lick from Harry, who was now sitting on his lap. 

"So what you're trying to tell us is that that's Harry?" Asked Liam, who until now had been listening in silence. 

"Basically, yeah" - Niall started - "I know how it sounds but..." 

"It sounds crazy, mate" - Zayn said - "I don't know what to..." - He stopped mid-sentence to glare at the window, the distinct sound of chanting and a chorus of "Hallelujah!" could be heard from inside. 

"I see the apostles are still going on about you being the second coming of Christ?" - Niall asked with clear amusement in his eyes. He had always known that Zayn was something out of this world, but he usually preferred to be more discreet about his Zayn-worshipping rituals. 

"Now they've started saying Jesus was actually a phony. That I'm the real thing, or whatevs." - Zayn added with a sigh. It had been fun at first, receiving fan-mail from the Pope and seeing statues of him on pretty much every Church known to man, but Pope Francis had atrocious spelling, and Zayn really didn't fancy having a bunch of religious Mayonnaise jars following him around at all times. 

"Hmhmpffhfpf" - mumbled Louis from the couch. Niall looked at him disapprovingly after realizing his mouth was still taped shut. They had to resort to such desperate measures after the infamously racist weed video had been released; of course they had tried to get Louis to apologize at first, but as soon as Louis started talking about reverse-racism and how Snoop Dogg had tweeted him his support, Yaser - who until recently wouldn't leave Zayn's side - simply got out the tape and did what he had to do. It was the Official 1D ducktape too, mind you, because Simon thought that'd teach Louis not to shit-talk their merchandise publicly. 

"I'm gonna take this off" - Liam started - "but 1 word about the 'unfairness of your situation' and I'll make you swallow it." - and ripped the tape off of Louis' mouth. 

Just like that Niall started laughing hysterically, which earned him concerned and annoyed looks from the other three boys in the room. 

"Sorry! Ufff. Sorry lads! Louis just blinked, what a legend ! - He explained, trying to catch his breath.

"All I was going to say, Liam - Louis started, diverting his attention from the rosy-cheeked Irish man- is that MAYBE we should stop focusing on Zayn's inhumanly facial features for a minute, and try to find a solution to our dear Harold's problem." - remarked Louis. 

"I have to agree with Lou here" - Zayn admitted 

Liam nodded - "Niall do you think... Niall?" 

The three boys turned to look at Niall, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor holding Harry with both hands. 

"Can you at least do a trick or something?" - He curiously asked Harry. 

Harry wiggled his nose. 

"Wow, Harry, thanks. Next time you decide to randomly turn into an animal, why don't you go for a circus elephant? At least..." - He was interrupted by Liam coughing in an attempt to retrieve his attention. 

"What?!" - He snapped. 

"You're talking to a rabbit, mate" - Zayn commented - " 'S a bit weird, that's all". 

"I'm talking to Harry. And shouldn't you be trying to help me find a way to turn him back to normal instead of admonishing me for having a conversation with my boyfriend? Liam, check your beard, maybe there's something useful there." - Niall suggested. Liam had been growing that god-awful neckbeard for months, and whilst not the most flattering choice, it certainly proved to be a great way to carry things that Liam thought essential. 

"I dunno, I'll check" - Liam said, and dig his hand into his beard - "What's this? Does anyone need a new pair of shoes? No? Ok. Uhm.. what.. oh, look, I found my bad kidney! Hello buddy! I'll go back to you later, my mom's been asking for you, she's kinda worried the new one is a bad influence. Let's see... ugh..." - Liam started to struggle to get something out of his beard, something big - "Pfffft, I found Funky Buddha! Brilliant! Haven't been there in 27.5 minutes." - 10 minutes and 3 Zayn Hasbro Dolls later, Liam apologized to the boys and finally gave up on finding anything that could help Harry. 

"Cheers, Liam. If you're going to look like the offspring of Ricky Gervais and a Mountain Bear, the least you could do is make it worth our time." - Louis remarked.

"Yeah, well at least my beard doesn't look like something died in it." - Liam grumbled, looking at Louis' hair and mentally writing a twitlonger on "The Importance of not Critiz...Criticizi... Talking Shit About Your Friends' Beards: A memory... memories....memes?" He'll have to google the correct terminology later. 

"Guys! Would you stop that shit! My boyfriend is a rabbit, we are in the middle of a tour, and time is..... FUCK! What time is it? "- Niall exclaimed as he frantically checked his 1D limited-edition watch - "Shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck! I'm late for work!" - He shrieked - "You guys are gonna have to figure this out on your own." - He stopped to pat Harry on the head and whispered "I love you forever, but rabbits are pointless, do nothing." - and with that he ran out of the flat, slamming the door shut and leaving three very confused boybanders and an offended-looking rabbit behind. 

"What's wrong with Nialler? You'd think the love of his life turning into a rabbit would be higher up on his list of priorities than his part-time job as the Sun". - Louis protested. Because yes, he understood that Niall had to be there for the planets to circle around him, and that without his presence as a shining beacon of light the world would be left a dark and horrible place, and that if he were to lose his job, his father - Bobby Horan, the true Irishman - would certainly give him a talk about what IS and what is NOT the craic, but the point - which no one but him seems to be considering - is that if Harry is not in the band then who is gonna lift Ben's mood when he's feeling particularly somber? Who is gonna bat his eyes at older men and get them to write songs for their next album, for free? On the other hand, if Harry is not in the band, all the Larry Stylinson conspiracy theories might stop. Unless someone decides to argue that maybe Harry disappeared because Eleanor's Twin and Taylor Swift teamed up and threw him off Swift's Flying Virgin with rocks tied to his ankles. Larry tinhatters never cease to surprise him. 

Louis' very serious train of thought is rudely interrupted by Zayn and Liam giggling at Harry trying to climb up the couch. 

"Would you two stop that?" - He grunted at them - "None of this would have happened if YOU - he pointed at Harry - hadn't eaten those damn carrots. Haven't you LEARNED anything in the past four years? Carrots are nothing but trouble! - He said, and he seemed to be intently focused on Harry, but the boys knew that his mind was far away, remembering dark times of seemingly-quirky jokes and carrot costumes - "If you had just stuck to what you knew, dick and bananas and old men, we could have avoided..."

"That's it!" - Zayn exclaimed - "That's what we he needs to do to go back to normal!" 

"Suck a dick? Because Zayn I know you're into some kinky shit, what with all the scratches and all, but..." Louis started, but was cut off almost immediately by Zayn. 

"No, Louis you idiot! Harry is still in there, somewhere, so if we want him to get out..." - Zayn started. 

"We need to remind him of who he truly is!" - Liam basically shouted, thirsty for Zayn's approval as usual. Zayn nodded. 

"So what? We're just gonna feed him bananas and let him play with old people? Maybe let him roll around in glitter for a bit, lads?" - Louis suggested sarcastically, but stopped talking as soon as he saw the pleased expressions of his two friends - "Lads...?" 

And so they went. From the retirement home, to the fruit section at Tesco's, to that fancy Gay Bar Nick sometimes took Harry to, and finally to the golf course, where they showed Harry some pictures of him and the Azzoffs that were hanging on the walls. "And this is you, Harry, acting like a 70-year-old rich dad. And that is also you, Harry, looking at Jeff with a mixture of admiration and guilt in your eyes, the latter probably caused by a text Ben sent you complaining about you 'changing old-men like headscarves'." - Zayn explained to him. And prayed to his fellow Gods in the skies that his plan worked. 

\-- 

"I'm home!" - Niall shouted before even opening the door - "I brought you guys some magazines and Harry some lettuce. Do you think I should get him a little exercise wheel or..." - He stopped in his tracks when he saw Liam, Louis, and Zayn looking at him with smiles on their faces, and his very-human and very-fit boyfriend practically beaming at him from the couch. 

"Hi babe! How was wo.... Ufffffffff!" - Harry let out a breath when Niall clashed into him. 

"Harry! You're you! When.. How? Harry you have a penis! And no tail! And a penis!" - Niall was ecstatic. 

"Yeah Nialler, I do. You can check for sure later, if you wish" - Harry smirked - "We gotta thank the boys though, they sure are my kind of pals." - He added, turning around to look at the three boys standing behind them. 

"Well, Harry.. - Louis started - Surely you didn't think we were gonna let you stay a rodent forever?" - 

"Don't call me Shirley." - Harry winked, and less than 2 seconds later he was dragging Niall to the room by the hand, locking it behind them. And as soon as the boys heard the sound of wind-chimes coming from the bedroom, they smiled to each other and headed to the door, closing it just after hearing Niall shout "Best friends in t world !" in between giggles. 

\- The end -

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! So! I don't know why I wrote this, but I did it in 15 minutes and I haven't re-read it because if I do I'll probably delete it. Hope it wasn't too bad and that it is at least close to what you guys - meaning the people asking for a Narry Rabbit fic - wanted. Cheers! x


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